Baller Basics

This blog may not resignate with all readers, not everyone has what it takes to be a Baller. In fact, Ballers are rare. I am extremely lucky to have found 4 native Ballers within my 1 office on Baldwin Street, Bristol. We are the notorious, "Baldwin Ballers". Our names must be concealed for protection however are Baller Identities are as follows. "Captain Nash, Fiesty Senoirita, Dangerous Miss Day, Queen Swan and F**k It Ford. 

My reference to "Baller" is not related to Basketball, in fact it couldn't be further from that depiction. Although exercise is not frowned upon, it is by no means an essential part of our beliefs. For those wanting to discover their Baller minerals, I want to address the basic rules, mantras, attributes and previous stories of being a Baller. 

Rules (most apply to food): 

1) First of all, Ballers make the rules and many generic, meer mortal rules do not apply to us 

2) You didn't buy the food? The calories don't count 

3) The food isn't originally from your home Country? Go hell for leather 

4) Is it Friday? Free-Friday's mean no calories count. At all. 

5) Is it the weekend? Beige foods are encouraged, it's important we stock up for the week ahead 

6) Does the food in question begin with the same letter as today's day? Fill your boots

7) Did I hear you say "Wednesday"? Where's the Wine?

Attributes
Now this section is slightly ambiguous. No one Baller is the same as another. The similarities lie more within the mindset and integrity toward the Baller code. Now, being a Baller is not something you can convert to, you are either born a Baller or forever long to be one. There is no in between I'm afraid. 

What could potentially be misconstrued as arrogance, is actually what we refer to as Baller Confidence. We know our position and level of authority within general society and therefore do not fear normal anxieties; social media, societal judgements, the Unknown. Nothing is a problem, every day is an opportunity to smash it, not just survive. 
Baller Behaviour is somewhat a metaphor; as before, we cannot teach etiquettes, it's a natural phenomena. We are currently in talks with David Attonborough about an upcoming documentary, detailing the natural habitats and behaviours of the Baller community. A verb regularly used to describe our behaviours is, quite obviously, "balling"; "What did you do this weekend?", "I was balling". No explanation is needed, we, as Ballers, know what you mean. 

Stories 

Although there is an air of superiority around Ballers, we too, make mistakes. One, rightly or wrongly, being believing in the potential of a Baller, only to realise they were a fake. One in particular showed signs of true Baller qualities; confidence, dry humour, outlandish activities, a certain je ne sais quoi toward life. For reasons unbenowned to us, this person in question, disappeared. It is feared they realised they didn't have what it takes, what we thought were baller qualities were in fact an act. They faked it until they couldn't make it anymore. Heartbreaking as it is, we can only learn from our mistakes and have faith that we will have better judgement next time. After all, although not mere mortals, we are still humans

The posts to come will explain further the values, adventures and challenges we, as Ballers, face. If you too have been lucky enough to be born into Baller existence, please feel free to offer your stories and tales. But, as always, use your Baller Identity.